1.7- Army of men; Snowmen

All it ever seems to do is snow here. School I guess you could say is better, they don’t pick on me anymore, instead they all avoid me. Parents last week insisted to the bus company that they did not feel safe having their children on the bus with me. So here I am on the bus alone. The perk of it is I always get a seat, I don’t have to watch for flying objects, it isn’t all that bad.
 

Stiles has been coming around the house again. We haven’t spoken about that morning when he ran out my house. I figure he is embarrassed about it so I don’t want to bring it up. It has been nice seeing him again, I missed talking to him those couple of days.

I thought it was getting better between us, but still every time I touch him he has this look upon him. I’m hoping we would move past this and not be strangers to each others bodies. He is acting like we are back in high school and it is his first time. Maybe it is his first time, he hasn’t spoken of any children or even past lovers before, so it could be all possible.

But him continually flinching away from me got the  best of my short temper. I wanted. I needed him to let me in, I needed him to open up to me and help me understand. It wasn’t so much the fact I was getting any, it was he genuinely was hurting my feelings.

What is WRONG with you! NO what is so wrong with ME?! Am I not good enough, clearly not otherwise every time I threw myself at you Stiles, you’d accept. You have to tell me why or get out.

Stiles looked angry at me, I can not understand why, what did I do so wrong?

You wouldn’t understand. NO one will ever understand. Why is sex so important anyway, it shouldn’t be. 

Well no, clearly I am not going to understand unless you give me some idea of what is going on. If we do it doesn’t mean we are too deep in the relationship if that is what is wrong?

No that’s not why.

Looks like I am going to be forced to guess until he responds.

Is it because I have a son? Because it’s your first time? You are afraid? Don’t want to be with me? 

And like a broken record he continued to shake his head back and forth and with it I was running out of ideas why.

Are you gay or something, my god man-why do you not want anything to do with me?

Check, what I had said struck a nerve, a very sensitive one in fact. Stiles broke down. After all this time, he was gay! Why didn’t he tell me?

How could you! How dare you lead me on all this time when you KNEW you were like this… Were you bored that’s why, stringing me on for your own amusement. This isn’t a game. Did you have no thought to my feelings. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. NOW. Don’t contact me ever. EVER. again.

And like that he turned to the door and left. Not a single word. No reply or explanation. Stiles walked out that door and out my life. I swear I will never try with a man again. Love was just not meant for me.

That night Fennel and I had spent time together it was nice.

Mum was distant more than ever tonight. I feel like she hasn’t noticed me struggling; shes caught up in her own world.

That night

I awoke the next morning early to go for a skate with my instructor  he agreed to teach me for free in spots where he had no bookings and if, and only if, I cleaned down his set of boards each time. It was a fair bargain  But I awoke to a massacre, a massacre of my men, my beautiful army of snowmen. 

I bet it was the kids from school.

I spent my day talking to the person who promised he could help my son. Oh I also made Fennel some soup for dinner and post phoned the deadline for my book. I don’t feel like doing much for awhile.

I tucked Fennel into bed that night and promised him everything would be alright.

Hi everyone,
Hope you enjoyed this post! I am sorry it took so long for me to get out. There is really good or interesting excuse why I have posted But the next one shouldn’t take as long to post as I am returning to school and will be back in the routine of posting 🙂 Let me know what you think of the Jardin family so far!

Much love, MK